L.O.V.E is just another word that I never learned to pronounce

Part II 

She drove her car as fast as she could. Fast enough to make her forgot about all problems that she had for a while. Once she stepped into her room, her mind started to think about something that she hates the most but keep coming back for it. It’s love. After 2 years she had a journey without anyone on the passenger side, now she had to include someone in every single thing that she do especially in her future. She never imagined that somehow this someone will appear again in her life and change everything. “Goddamnit! The only thing that I plan for my future is to finish my study and do something that I love which is travelling. What should I do now? I don’t even have any saving for my own wedding.” She sighed. Her life would be easier if she just goes with her plan. But that’s the thing about the plan. It keeps changing. As a cliche as a phrase ‘We only can plan but God determines everything’.

As she lay on her bed that night, her memories flash back to the time where she met her best friend that never been in love and never been in a relationship before but now he already found his the one and well-prepared for his special day. She tried not to compare her life with her friends but it seems a little bit hard to do. She had been through in lots of relationships but sadly no one that she has been with deserves her. She’s done with the one. She already gave up a long time ago. She could write a novel about it or gave an advice to her best friend which he used the advice back to her, but nothing could change her believe. She even didn’t know what she believes now. She just hope that this guy that said he's so in love with her could make she believes in love again and prove to her that he is the guy that she had been waiting for this whole time even he does not have any yellow umbrella. 

In another day, she realized that she couldn't do it anymore. She told him that she's sorry because she doesn't feel like he is her the one. She felt like giving up on love again like she did before even she had promise to him that she won't. But this time was on her own, not because of her mom doesn't approve her relationship. In fact, her mom never met him yet. She remembered that question she asked her mom earlier that day "You can't accept if I back with that guy, aren't you?" and as she expected, her mom simply answered "Never. ever" It broke her heart a little. After this time, she just realized that she is still not moving on;even after two years. She still miss him. She realized that she doesn't want to fall in love again. She just missed that feeling and she wanted to feel it again. She just love the idea of falling in love without realize that she actually had break someone's heart.