reason to stay alive

Last week, I had a visit to one of the old age and elderly care homes. It was something that I really wanted to do a long time ago. I was grateful to get such an opportunity. Lots of things I have learnt during my visit besides how we should appreciate and love our parents in the present and future. It was really a heartbreaking to hear some sad stories from some of them and reminded me that I’m not the only one with a sad story that people do not know. Still, we survive all the pains and obstacles in this life without giving up so easily because we do believe that there is something that drives us to stay alive. Some people do not know that their existing can change someone or other’s life. This life is not all about finding the right one, build family and watch your daughter/son grow up and hold your grandchildren. Yet, most of people that I met think that’s the only reason they’re alive. Sorry, but in my opinion it's really selfish if you think your life is all about you and yourself. For me, to stay alive is mean that my presence is useful for human being. It’s totally something worth it to stay alive even your have a very painful life. I maybe do not have superpower or a great skill of fighting to battle with bad people but I try my best everyday to help others even with a small thing. Doing right things is not easy. That’s why we need to keep trying and remind ourselves everyday. Sometimes I need others to remind me too like why I wanted to be a lecturer, why I write all positive things on my blog even I’m not sure if people read it or not, why I should finish my thesis on time or why I need to stop being lazy.  

Nota kaki:

Today is the earth hour day. Same as last year, even it’s a small thing but you really can help by switch off the light for an hour. (Sorry I can’t switch off my fans because it’s too hot in here)

The ugly truth

I don’t get it… Why do people have to lie to each other just to make sure that they will not offend their love one, family or friends? Why they don’t just tell the truth like the words you said are hurting me, something is not right or you don’t treat me properly. Is it hard to do? Or is it because when we tell lie instead of telling the truth, then it will ruins everything… friendship and relationship? Why people have to make it complicated while it’s as simple as just telling the truth? We all know the answer. Because we prefer to hear something nice even it was lie than something truth because it’s hurt. Today, I don’t know for how many billion times I got this same shit that my words offended people because apparently I’m sucks at telling lie to comfort them, to mind others’ heart. I asked one of my friends directly, am I bad as a person and friend? Before she answered my question, she asked me if I wanted her to lie to me. And I said…tell me the truth. She did tell me the truth that I was stupid for not knowing how to mind other's heart. Of course it was hurt. But I can accept it. At least everything makes sense to me. People actually do judge others by the words they tell not by what they have done to you. That’s unacceptable. I am that kind of friends that bad with words but I know if my friends need me whenever they want, I will make sure that I will be the first one for them. I am willing to die for someone that I love but apparently no one can see that. What I am willing to do for her/him because they’re too busy judging me by every stupid word that I am saying. Well, if that’s so, then yes I am stupid. Stupid enough to sacrifice anything for others but then people always left me because of my words. That’s hurt actually. It hurts so much even all the words I wrote here can’t describe it. I was hated because I am being honest. What kind of world I live in? I thought friendship is like what I have been watching in how I met your mother series where they offended each other but always be there for each other. But it’s not.

Sadly, I grew up watching my parents and my siblings offended each other. I never learnt how to comfort other’s heart with words. But of course people don’t understand me. I don’t mind. I tried so hard not to be like my mom that never said anything nice to my dad. If you think this shit is easier for me, I bet… you don’t. So what if people want to leave me because everything that I said? That’s mean they don’t understand me. They never, no matter how close they think they’re to me. It’s their lost after all because it’s too bad they can’t see what I have done and willing to do for them. Well, if I have to live this world by my own which is alone… Then I guess that’s the only way I have to do this. No matter what I do, whatever my job will be in the future and no matter where I go travel, it does not matter. I will always be alone anyway. At least I know the truth and willing to accept it even it hurts like hell.