50 shades of broken heart

It's been awhile I didn't write any post on my blog and suddenly out of blue, I wrote my first post this year about broken heart and on the Valentine's day. Sorry guys, but I just got dumped on the love day. Ouch! Who does that? Yup, he was an asshole. Probably it's my fault either for being so curious about the answer why he put me on silence for a week. So now I back to my old self again, listening to non-stop broken heart songs in my car and on my playlist at spotify. Although at this age, I'm supposed to be happily married and planning my wedding, not handling with this shit.

You know that feelings when you finally thought you met the one and you can imagine your life with him but for no reason he said this is not what he wanted, then he left you cold and out of breathe? I feel it now. I just don't get it. Guys want girl that play video games, know how to cook and bake, have a good sense of humor, hardworking, smart, not materialistic, simple, kind, understanding, sweet and independent. Although I've everything in that list, I still got dumped just because I'm not pretty. Yes, people can be mean sometimes and truth hurts. 

The bad things about break up are you probably end up writing a stupid post like this or tweet everything that you supposed not to tweet but you did it anyway because you angry, disappointed and sad and its like no one in this world can understand those pains. Then, you have to take a long time to recover and trust people back because you're scared that the next person might be lie to you again or you will end up disappointed just like you did before. The only good thing about break up probably if you're a song writer, then you can write some songs about it which will made top 100 on Billboard chart and made lots of money out of it (yes i was talking about Taylor Swift)

When someone left you or you left someone, suddenly everything that you've said and done while you with that person appeared and it made you think that all the words he said, they're just words. He probably never meant it. That he said his love for you can't be measure mathematically, all that was lie. There were just words with no meaning. So it's true. It's easy to say I love you but it's hard to find out if that person really mean it that's why those 3 words are so cheap right now. People even use it just to get laid. I guess I just know what reality world looks like once again.      

The ugly truth

I don’t get it… Why do people have to lie to each other just to make sure that they will not offend their love one, family or friends? Why they don’t just tell the truth like the words you said are hurting me, something is not right or you don’t treat me properly. Is it hard to do? Or is it because when we tell lie instead of telling the truth, then it will ruins everything… friendship and relationship? Why people have to make it complicated while it’s as simple as just telling the truth? We all know the answer. Because we prefer to hear something nice even it was lie than something truth because it’s hurt. Today, I don’t know for how many billion times I got this same shit that my words offended people because apparently I’m sucks at telling lie to comfort them, to mind others’ heart. I asked one of my friends directly, am I bad as a person and friend? Before she answered my question, she asked me if I wanted her to lie to me. And I said…tell me the truth. She did tell me the truth that I was stupid for not knowing how to mind other's heart. Of course it was hurt. But I can accept it. At least everything makes sense to me. People actually do judge others by the words they tell not by what they have done to you. That’s unacceptable. I am that kind of friends that bad with words but I know if my friends need me whenever they want, I will make sure that I will be the first one for them. I am willing to die for someone that I love but apparently no one can see that. What I am willing to do for her/him because they’re too busy judging me by every stupid word that I am saying. Well, if that’s so, then yes I am stupid. Stupid enough to sacrifice anything for others but then people always left me because of my words. That’s hurt actually. It hurts so much even all the words I wrote here can’t describe it. I was hated because I am being honest. What kind of world I live in? I thought friendship is like what I have been watching in how I met your mother series where they offended each other but always be there for each other. But it’s not.

Sadly, I grew up watching my parents and my siblings offended each other. I never learnt how to comfort other’s heart with words. But of course people don’t understand me. I don’t mind. I tried so hard not to be like my mom that never said anything nice to my dad. If you think this shit is easier for me, I bet… you don’t. So what if people want to leave me because everything that I said? That’s mean they don’t understand me. They never, no matter how close they think they’re to me. It’s their lost after all because it’s too bad they can’t see what I have done and willing to do for them. Well, if I have to live this world by my own which is alone… Then I guess that’s the only way I have to do this. No matter what I do, whatever my job will be in the future and no matter where I go travel, it does not matter. I will always be alone anyway. At least I know the truth and willing to accept it even it hurts like hell.