Letter to Mother

Mom,

I’m sorry for what I have done behind your back, and also for all the lies that I had told. I’m sorry if I ever hurt your feelings, which I know I did, a lot. I try to be a good daughter, but I’m always not good enough. Some people said that life does not come with a manual on how to be a good person and a good daughter, but that is not true. We can always learn from the holy Al - Quran and our life experiences. I learned day by day, mother, but still I wish I can do better. I wish I can put a smile on your face every time I back home and take all your pain away.  I wish I can buy everything that you want and give you money so that you don’t have to argue about money with dad.

You must not know mom, that every time when I back home, I wish I can hug you and tell you how much I miss you. I wish you can call me more often when I far away from home, so that I don’t assume you have forgotten about your daughter here. I wish I can share all my stories and problems with you. I wish I can cry on your lap and hear you say “Ssshhh..don’t cry.Everything going to be okay.” Don’t worry, mom. I know how much you love me even you never say it back to me. Do you know mom, I have spent every single time in my life wishing that we could be more than what we are now? Honestly, I get envy sometimes when I watch my friend or some people that really close with their mother. And then I keep telling myself “I want that”. I know I shouldn’t say that because I still have you. I should appreciate you even we’re different from others. Like my cousin said to me “Make your mom happy while you still can. Give her everything that you have (love and money) because this is your only chance. I don’t get that chance. My mom went too early. I can’t even afford to buy my own clothes that time. I was too young.”

I can’t imagine my life without you. You meant a world to me. That’s why I willing to let go a guy that I love so much because of you. I know you want the best for me, you want me to be happy. But nothing makes me happier than watch you happy, mom. I’m still not ready to have a life without you in it. I pray every day and night so that God won’t take you away from me. I just love you too much, even words can’t describe it. 

p/s: Remember when I want to go back to Penang and you’re asking me what I want to take away for lunch? Even cooking some meals is not a problem for you and it looks like a small thing, but watching you cook early in the morning just for me, it always makes me want to cry. Thank you so much, mom.