To believe I walk alone is a lie that I've been told

I don't like counting even I am a math student. Counting days especially. Or counting something that comes and go like friends. Today I met another two friends that I knew from Twitter. It's a good thing though to have more people that we know in this life and not stick with a circle only. I love to get to know others even sometimes I didn't know how to start a conversation. I guess it's just another reason why I love to be a lecturer and traveler. Speaking of counting, I'm still counting on my thoughts whether I should buy a Nintendo 3DS or PS4. Goddamnit! I don't know how I end up like this. I mean, earlier this year I wrote a few things in my notes like I should buy a bicycle and find a guy so that I can get engaged before the end of this year. And 2 months before the end of this year, all I ever wonder is about games and having fun. I just don't think about bicycle, healthy lifestyle or serious relationship anymore. In fact, I start not to think about those at all. Hey, who needs feelings when you have video games, right? Yup. And a good thing today that I had finally set my mind that I should focus on these three things only which are study, video games and Europe trip. Also, to face a fact that my life isn't normal like others since I'm not normal too. Normal is boring after all. So, maybe sometimes you just need to stop thinking too much what to do with life, stop planning or write something bullshit like getting engaged (seriously Azu?) and stop comparing others life with yours. Cause your story meant to be different with others and having a crazy messy story is the best thing that someone should have instead of a plain straight story which is not fun at all.  

me and fantasy, you and your memory

Another exhausting weekend just over. Now, I can finally sit down and start doing my work. Past three days I had been busy with my own schedule like always be by her side on my best friend's wedding and had a night out with another guy best friend for his own bachelor party. Well, it's not really a party since it's only two of us. But that night, I had realized something which was I have been living in my fantasy world for quite a long time. I should know that fantasy will never be as same as reality. I really hope someone should tell me that though. Well, I started to realize that fact when his bachelor party turns out not like what I had been fantasizing in my head. I really felt sorry for him since I'm that lame girl that didn't know how to have fun. I thought I knew since in my fantasy world, I'm that fun girl and really good with flirting. But yeah, in the real world I just a numb girl with emotionless where in the club that full with people dancing and flirting, while I just sat there and watched others having fun. I always wonder how it was like going to clubs. That night, he brought me to the place that I have never ever been in my life and thank God I didn't like that place. It wasn't like some place that I have been fantasizing. Well, for me it's sucks. Ever since that night, I started to see all the reality and leave my fantasy world, slowly. The next day was my best friend's wedding. Being by her side and watched all this wedding process made me felt like I just woke up from a long sleep. It was like someone slapped me hardly on my face and told me that I will never ever got what I had been fantasizing including my own fantasy wedding. Nope, especially that! Geez, reality sucks! I hate reality. Why I have to live in this world where we can't get what we want in a way that we want it without care about others opinion or let others interfere with our own fucking life. I don't want to leave my fantasy world even I know I can't be the coolest girl like what I have been fantasizing forever. And to face the fact that I will turn 27 next year. Seriously, life. If this the lemon you give to me, I will be honored to throw it backs on your face! (If only life has a face)

Nota kaki:
Carrie Ann, the other side of me who is live in a parallel universe. The coolest girl I have ever known. She's really good at playing video games and fucking talented in music. She plays guitar and keyboard. Her voice is just lovely. Outside, she is really feminine and she really knows how to dress to kill. Literally. She really loves to kill others especially bad people. Her favorite weapon is metal bat. She carries that stuff around in her backpack. (She hates designer handbag just like I do). Both of us have same interest but she is cooler and more talented than me. She is that girl who's know how to have fun. Sadly, she doesn't exist. IN REALITY.  

"Shit! I should write a fiction novel." 

seriously, where the fuck is 2013?

2013 is not over yet but I think I just blink and here I am in the middle of the tenth month of 2013. This evening, I walked Hariz to the playground. While looking at him running, I can't help to think about times all over again. Did this kid grow up too fast? I still remember I pushed him in the stroller around this neighborhood while he looked around and made a straight face questioning all things that he saw that evening. After a while, he started learning to walk by himself and today he didn't need my hand to hold anymore. He can ran and talked even I still can't understand a word he saying. And next year, Hariz will have lil bro/sis. As the times passed by, I still as same as the old me and not even a single thing changing. While my friends are struggling to save money for their own wedding, here I am struggling saving money to travel to Europe next year and now wondering if I could use some of my savings to buy games. Next year I will be 27 and I don't even think about marrying someone? Hory facku! There must be something wrong with me. 

Counting:

2 days before the big wedding (my best friend's wedding)

13 days before November and I'll be dead

32 days before NFS Rivals release

If I have Aiden, I don't give a damn about the one anymore

You know how irony it is when I said I don't want to talk about the one anymore, but hey...look, I am talking about it now. Just maybe this time is different because it is not related to me much but I'm about to share something related to video games that I had played yesterday and Once Upon A Time new episode this week. In this week's episode, the story was about Regina met Thinker Bell and how she made Thinker suffered without her power. But that wasn't the highlight of this episode. Regina who had fallen apart after the love of her life died, refused to accept new love from anyone even she was about to meet her soul mate with the help from Tinker Bell. Apparently not Regina only that scared to meet her the one, others people that I know and me too. It was not easy to fall in love again after we lost in the battlefield where we thought that the person was our the one and had given full heart to him/her. Afraid of getting hurt again or not getting the same feeling as before are also the X-factors. For me myself, I am still not moving on from the big-one as that's what people called. Anyway, I don't want to end up like Regina who is alone because she is too afraid to find her own happy ending even someone had shown her the way. I also don't want to end up like Mulan who was too late to tell her feelings to someone she loves. As Neil said that love is meant to say not to keep (but maybe sometimes it is better not to say). 

Oh btw, the video games that I mention in the title above is Beyond: Two Souls. You can read all the details in here And yes that games has the best graphic so far. The graphic is so mind blowing that you think you're watching a movie instead of playing video games. I just can't help but love it so much. (Even though I'm still noob in this games) Lol.

.Jodie.

you are what you write

Today will be the last day I'll be a curator for twtupcampus account. It was fun, boring and exciting at the same times. Fun when I get the opportunity to know more people and not just students. I have made some friends there and we all have a few similarities too. Boring when you out of idea what to write or say in there. Exciting when you got too many reactions from different type of people. Speaking of writing, I may have written some stupid stuffs on my personal account this lately. I don't know why I lost myself again. I often do this, keep losing myself, losing faith and then someone's made me realize that I have to be me again. The question is I don't even know myself. Am I that type of person on the Twitter or I just someone else that I pretend to be on the Twitter? We all know that on the internet, we often miss identity and usually be a different person than we are in the real world. But somehow people still judging you by what you write on the internet like they already know everything about you and your story. So, no people. I am not what I write, including on this blog.   

I guess I just miss you, melbourne

Last month in the 'we're all the traveler' post, I promised to tell more about my trip in Australia. Sydney and Melbourne to be exact. But, what to tell except I have fallen for Melbourne. Oh, yes and my backpacking trip seems not so interesting because of my sister. Thank God that this will be my last trip with her (hope that she will not read this). Any who, since pictures speak a thousand words, I'm going to post some awesome shot that I had snapped in both cities. 

I will come back soon, Melbourne. Cross my heart, till I die. 

for an optimist, I’m pretty pessimistic

I don't know but somehow I can't forget about what had happened between me and him. I'm afraid to say that if I have fallen in love again. I just hate it when I am so easy to fall in love and yet too scared to admit it. Scared of losing him as my friend, scared of ruin this friendship and scared that maybe he does not feel the same way as I do. But I have to admit though that I am so happy every minutes I have spent with him. Even though he quite mean sometimes but he really knows how to make me smile. I just can't help being a woman, like wondering if this is the right thing to do. To keep this feeling growing inside me and it might kill me later. I wonder too if he likes me, probably our relationship will not end up well. Geez! Sometimes I just wish that I am a man. Don't have to wonder about all these stupid things. Maybe I should just enjoy every moment spent and ignore all this.