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Another 4 days left before people can start sending another hope to another new month; less than 2 weeks left for Muslim to celebrate Aidilfitri; another 5 days left before I’ll pack my bag and stuff and leave this apartment forever. I still can’t believe those 8 months already gone. I still felt like it was yesterday. Time isn't flying anymore. It moves faster than that and soon we will not even realize that we are going to celebrate 2020 New Year’s Eve. As I sit here wondering and writing about time while watching all my stuff in the boxes as the time pass by, I also realize that’s mean I only have less than a year to complete my study. Oh dear! My heart beats fast and my stomach is hurting every time my head starts to think about the future. It’s like some kind of allergies, you know. Ah, how I wish I can slow down the rotation of the earth right now. Makes a day longer like it used to. And make it 30 hours or more in a day instead of 23.8.

you said yes, i said no, potato, poteto

Have you ever felt so lonely,

You have crickets in your stomach instead of butterflies?

Have you ever felt so giving up,

You decide to take a nap instead of fight back?

Have you ever felt so alone,

Your best friend is your bedroom wall?

Have you ever felt so mad,

You can kill a Kaiju with your bare hands after you turn into hulk?

Have you ever felt so sad,

You pay to cry on the stripper’s shoulder?

Have you ever felt so lonely,

You ask a homeless if he wanna go on a date?

Have you ever felt so lazy,

You prefer to stay hungry and let the hunger games begin?

Have you ever felt so happy,

You make an announcement to tell everyone by using the mosque speaker?  

Have you ever felt so boring,

You type this type of entry on your blog?

keep calm and carry on, crayon, cry on.

I got 3 datelines before a long holiday,

I need motivation to keep on moving,

There is no time to be lazy anymore,

Carry on, carry on.

PhD comics

*mine mostly written in tears and coffee.

hope wounds heal, but it never does

Part III

She’s staring at her laptop screen without realizing that it has been past half an hour she had done that. She lost; her mind, her body and her soul. Too many problems on her shoulder and she does not even know where should her begin. It has been a month and a half since she had left him for good. Now, she realizes that she is not just empty inside but full with pain too. She had changed ever since that. She has lost her emotion, motivation and even herself. It’s not because of him. It’s because something that she could not discover the reason why she has become someone that she does not even know. And now, she has to face another problem. The one that she hated the most: her family problems. She has not done with her study and other problems that she has yet. She could not take it. She is not that strong. That strong girl inside her has lost ever since she met him.

Her family is something that she could not understand even until she has been a grown up woman now. She has siblings that never share stories or problems with each other, but only talks about each other behind each other back. She wishes she could call an intervention one day and let everyone in her family talk about what they don’t like with other family members face to face and not behind anyone’s back. But deep inside, she knows that would not be happening even in her dream. That’s why she used to be a person that doesn’t know how to share her problems and her pains with others, and still. She wonders if one day she will meet someone that will change this thing and make her share every single problem and pain that she has. But for now, she just can hope and wish. That’s the only thing that people can do at least when they know nothing they could do anymore.   

I hope Kaiju steps on you!

It’s hard to control your anger sometimes. I often lost mine especially when driving (most of the time actually), in class when my students didn’t listen to me and when someone annoyed me. It’s even harder to control your anger especially for women when they in pre-menstrual or menstrual period. Whenever I feel angry with someone, I usually stay away from that person and keep in silence till I’m okay. When I have my PMS, it’s the best for me to stay away from everyone since I usually feel that everyone is annoying during that time. It is important for us to do this precaution step since we wouldn’t know what we might do or say when we lost our temper to someone. We might say something bad that will hurt someone’s feeling and ruin our friendship or relationship with that person. Even sometimes I am so angry that I can imagine I stab that person million times in my head, I still hope that I would not do any stupid thing just because I can’t control my anger.

Therefore guys, it is really important to know how to control your anger which is in simple words: anger management. So, next time when you feel angry with someone online, feel free to log off and ignore whatever that person said; and when you feel angry with someone in person, don’t forget to count till 10. If it doesn’t work, count till hundreds or thousands. Or else just bitch slap that person (just kidding). 

Accept H0, Reject H1

Rejection is among the worst thing in life. For examples: your paper or your work that you hope will get accepted, but then you receive an email that it’s been rejected; a guy or girl that you have adored for a long time rejects you because he/she doesn’t have a same feeling as yours; you wanted a job so much but then you’re not selected because you aren’t good enough. All of these lead to disappointment. But if you got rejected over and over again, you might feel like it is nothing anymore. Like you have adapted with disappoint of being rejected. And eventually, maybe you will give up on keep trying. That’s what I felt actually. By the time I wrote this entry, I felt half of me have given up on trying. I do not talk about feelings here. Yesterday, I had received another feedback from another organization that had been rejected my journal. It had been rejected AGAIN. I don’t know how many times including this. I felt like I should move on, write a new journal to submit and just ignore the first journal that I ever did.

But something has made me wonder like rejection should make you weak or make you stronger? For the optimist, they might turn the rejection into something that will motivate them to be better than before. So, if I am giving up now, does it makes me a pessimist? *that is not a question actually*

guess who's back?

I saw someone post on fb last week about the new film of Chuckie. Yup, that evil doll that kills people from Child's Play movie. He's back with his curse which make it will be its 6th movie (its official website). I still remember when I was a little kid watching Child's Play 1 and 2 with my whole family which were out in 1988 and 1990. That was 23 years ago (damn! I feel ancient). I always love horror and thriller movies. In fact, my whole family members too. While others grow up with Harry Potter movies, I grow up with Child's Play, gremlin, SAW, jaws, piranha and lots more. Any movies that related to kill human brutally and supernatural will be our favorite. That's why sometimes when I watch this type of movie at the cinema; it will become a comedy movie for me because I will start laughing whenever I hear anyone screaming. Anyway, this new Chuckie movie will not out in nearest cinema which means I only can watch it online. Unfortunately this movie is not something that I look forward to watch since its 4th and 5th movies were quite nonsense and rubbish to me. I am looking forward to watch 'The Conjuring' and 'Insidious 2' at the cinema this coming August and October. I just watched 'The Conjuring' trailer yesterday and I really can't wait to watch it on the premier day.