There is still half an hour left before the end of the
seventh month of 2013. This month had been a controversy month, I must say. Too
many things happened especially people kill others with gun everywhere. Its like a sick trend. No safe
haven in our own nation anymore. But hey! Be grateful okay. We still live in peace.
Heh.
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Tik tok
Another 4 days left before people can start sending another
hope to another new month; less than 2 weeks left for Muslim to celebrate
Aidilfitri; another 5 days left before I’ll pack my bag and stuff and leave
this apartment forever. I still can’t believe those 8 months already gone. I still
felt like it was yesterday. Time isn't flying anymore. It moves faster than
that and soon we will not even realize that we are going to celebrate 2020 New Year’s
Eve. As I sit here wondering and writing about time while watching all my stuff
in the boxes as the time pass by, I also realize that’s mean I only have less
than a year to complete my study. Oh dear! My heart beats fast and my stomach
is hurting every time my head starts to think about the future. It’s like some kind
of allergies, you know. Ah, how I wish I can slow down the rotation of the
earth right now. Makes a day longer like it used to. And make it 30 hours or
more in a day instead of 23.8.
Thursday, 25 July 2013
you said yes, i said no, potato, poteto
Have you ever felt so lonely,
You have crickets in your stomach instead of butterflies?
Have you ever felt so giving up,
You decide to take a nap instead of fight back?
Have you ever felt so alone,
Your best friend is your bedroom wall?
Have you ever felt so mad,
You can kill a Kaiju with your bare hands after you turn
into hulk?
Have you ever felt so sad,
You pay to cry on the stripper’s shoulder?
Have you ever felt so lonely,
You ask a homeless if he wanna go on a date?
Have you ever felt so lazy,
You prefer to stay hungry and let the hunger games begin?
Have you ever felt so happy,
You make an announcement to tell everyone by using the mosque
speaker?
Have you ever felt so boring,
You type this type of entry on your blog?
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
keep calm and carry on, crayon, cry on.
I got 3 datelines before a long holiday,
I need motivation to keep on moving,
There is no time to be lazy anymore,
Carry on, carry on.
*mine mostly written in tears and coffee.
Monday, 22 July 2013
hope wounds heal, but it never does
Part III
She’s staring at her laptop screen without realizing that it
has been past half an hour she had done that. She lost; her mind, her body and
her soul. Too many problems on her shoulder and she does not even know where
should her begin. It has been a month and a half since she had left him for
good. Now, she realizes that she is not just empty inside but full with pain
too. She had changed ever since that. She has lost her emotion, motivation and
even herself. It’s not because of him. It’s because something that she could
not discover the reason why she has become someone that she does not even know.
And now, she has to face another problem. The one that she hated the most: her
family problems. She has not done with her study and other problems that she
has yet. She could not take it. She is not that strong. That strong girl inside
her has lost ever since she met him.
Her family is something that she could not understand even
until she has been a grown up woman now. She has siblings that never share
stories or problems with each other, but only talks about each other behind
each other back. She wishes she could call an intervention one day and let
everyone in her family talk about what they don’t like with other family
members face to face and not behind anyone’s back. But deep inside, she knows
that would not be happening even in her dream. That’s why she used to be a
person that doesn’t know how to share her problems and her pains with others,
and still. She wonders if one day she will meet someone that will change this
thing and make her share every single problem and pain that she has. But for
now, she just can hope and wish. That’s the only thing that people can do at
least when they know nothing they could do anymore.
Sunday, 21 July 2013
I hope Kaiju steps on you!
It’s hard to control your anger sometimes. I often lost mine
especially when driving (most of the time actually), in class when my students
didn’t listen to me and when someone annoyed me. It’s even harder to control
your anger especially for women when they in pre-menstrual or menstrual period.
Whenever I feel angry with someone, I usually stay away from that person and
keep in silence till I’m okay. When I have my PMS, it’s the best for me to stay
away from everyone since I usually feel that everyone is annoying during that
time. It is important for us to do this precaution step since we wouldn’t know
what we might do or say when we lost our temper to someone. We might say
something bad that will hurt someone’s feeling and ruin our friendship or
relationship with that person. Even sometimes I am so angry that I can imagine I
stab that person million times in my head, I still hope that I would not do any
stupid thing just because I can’t control my anger.
Therefore guys, it is really important to know how to
control your anger which is in simple words: anger management. So, next time
when you feel angry with someone online, feel free to log off and ignore
whatever that person said; and when you feel angry with someone in person, don’t
forget to count till 10. If it doesn’t work, count till hundreds or thousands.
Or else just bitch slap that person (just kidding).
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Accept H0, Reject H1
Rejection
is among the worst thing in life. For examples: your paper or your work that
you hope will get accepted, but then you receive an email that it’s been
rejected; a guy or girl that you have adored for a long time rejects you because
he/she doesn’t have a same feeling as yours; you wanted a job so much but then
you’re not selected because you aren’t good enough. All of these lead to
disappointment. But if you got rejected over and over again, you might feel
like it is nothing anymore. Like you have adapted with disappoint of being
rejected. And eventually, maybe you will give up on keep trying. That’s what I
felt actually. By the time I wrote this entry, I felt half of me have given up
on trying. I do not talk about feelings here. Yesterday, I had received another
feedback from another organization that had been rejected my journal. It had
been rejected AGAIN. I don’t know how many times including this. I felt like I
should move on, write a new journal to submit and just ignore the first journal
that I ever did.
But something
has made me wonder like rejection should make you weak or make you stronger?
For the optimist, they might turn the rejection into something that will motivate
them to be better than before. So, if I am giving up now, does it makes me a
pessimist? *that is not a question actually*
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
guess who's back?
I
saw someone post on fb last week about the new film of Chuckie. Yup, that evil
doll that kills people from Child's Play movie. He's back with his curse which
make it will be its 6th movie (its official website). I still remember when I was a little kid watching
Child's Play 1 and 2 with my whole family which were out in 1988 and 1990. That
was 23 years ago (damn! I feel ancient). I always love horror and thriller
movies. In fact, my whole family members too. While others grow up with Harry
Potter movies, I grow up with Child's Play, gremlin, SAW, jaws, piranha and
lots more. Any movies that related to kill human brutally and supernatural will
be our favorite. That's why sometimes when I watch this type of movie at the cinema;
it will become a comedy movie for me because I will start laughing whenever I
hear anyone screaming. Anyway, this new Chuckie movie will not out in nearest cinema
which means I only can watch it online. Unfortunately this movie is not
something that I look forward to watch since its 4th and 5th movies were quite
nonsense and rubbish to me. I am looking forward to watch 'The Conjuring' and
'Insidious 2' at the cinema this coming August and October. I just watched 'The
Conjuring' trailer yesterday and I really can't wait to watch it on the premier
day.
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Joke of the day
Today my timeline was full with alkhodafi energy
water jokes. Well, thanks to whoever invented that product, I had a great day
laughing while online on Twitter for a whole day. But seriously, people who use
religion to sell their products and get profit out of it should be ashamed of
themselves. May they rot in the hell. This is not a new thing actually. There was
other drinking water too before alkhodafi. Just the different is alkhodafi too
ridiculous and I feel sorry for those idiots that believe and buy their
product. Like seriously. Who would fall for water that made by termites nest
and miracle mushroom. Even read the ingredients make me laugh. Hopefully
responsible party would take action on these types of people. Anyway, thanks
for made my day. Haha...
Saturday, 13 July 2013
after a hundred...
I have started writing on this blog since middle February this year and now it’s
already reach hundred posts. Well, to be honest I have nothing much to write
this lately especially during the fasting month. It’s like I spending more time
sleeping and doing nothing than being productive. I even forgot that I am too
far from my dateline and it has been three months since I am saying I am gonna
finish up my journal by the end of certain month. This is what I've been when
too long be in the comfort zone. I need to work out my lazy ass because if I
keep telling myself that I've enough time (even I don’t have it anymore now) I
will eventually have to extend my study.
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Error 404 Soulmate Not Found
When
I was in Singapore last week, I met a woman from the Philippines and we become friends.
She's almost two times my age and still single. Since I am not seeing anyone at
this time, we did have a conversation about my favorite topic which is I wrote
a lot on this blog, soulmate or the one. Since I don't ever mention it, yes my
dear, not everyone has soulmate. To be more accurate, the terms we born with a
partner or there is a soulmate for everyone is a bullshit. Not everyone has it.
I forget that there are some people dying as a single person, not married and
not even has the opportunity to meet his/her the one before he/she dies. Also,
there are some people that grow old alone. Well maybe he/she pet a cat or a
dog, but still. Or in another case, he/she did get married but then they
separate and choose to live with his/her kids until the end of his/her life.
So, not everyone has a happy ending in their story and the reality of life will
not always as same as what we saw in the movie. I try to be optimistic but
sometimes live as a pessimist is a good choice too since we have to be real
instead of keep dreaming or waiting for something that is unsure. And yup, I
wrote this kind of negative entry because I am sick with some of my friends
that keep telling me shit like "you're gonna meet someone someday". I
am so over the one. I have to realize that I am no Ted Mosby and my life is not
based on himym series (even that series will end next year).
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
slowpoke, is that me?
The
cup song had been popular on the internet since a year ago but I think I am the
only one that just watched it last few days. Honestly speaking, I never heard
about 'Pitch Perfect' movie until my friends told me when we hang out past two weekends. Yeah, I really am that slowpoke. At this time, I had fell in love with that song and will practice doing it as my new hobby. Heh.
even 7 years old can sing this song perfectly...
Monday, 8 July 2013
This is memory lane!
It
has been two days since I have no feeling to do something. By something I mean
studying, going out with my friends, writing an entry on this blog also
updating status on my Twidder account. So today, I decided to organize my things that I
put in the store and threw away some of the things from my past. Some memories
are made to be remembered which means we don't have to keep every single thing
as a reminder about that memory. I wonder why I still kept some of the things
that I gave to him and then when everything was over, he gave them back to me.
The T-shirt, cards, photo, tie and wallet. I did throw some but the rest; I
didn't know why I still can't. It's like a part of me still want to keep that
stuff as a reminder that I used to love someone more than myself and it was the
only love in my life, I used to be so happy not like I am today and I still
can't get over him no matter how hard I try. I knew that even I threw these
things, those memories are still there. Sometimes I just wish that I can format
my memory card inside my brain or delete some folders that contain memories that I
don't need, so that I can create new memories or fill it with lots of
formula instead of pictures about some people that I want to forget.
Saturday, 6 July 2013
when nothing goes right, turn left
Last
Wednesday, I had been to Singapore for a conference for 3 days. The first day
when I arrived there, I had a problem in finding the hostel that I'm going to
stay. Looks like I never learnt from what had happened in Japan last year.
Kids, never put 100% trust on Google maps when you're travelling outside of
your country especially if you're all alone. Because of that mistake, I had
lost for almost 5 hours. I did ask for directions, but some of the people that
I asked didn't know about that place. I almost gave up and I felt like wanna
sit and cry on the roadside because I was so exhausted. That time the only
thing in my head was how good to be in your own country. Even there is
something that you don't like about your country but somehow at that moment, I
just realize that it is still a better place than any other place in this
world.
Eventually, I managed to find that place after a long journey. It was
pretty exhausting but when I think about it back, it was good to be lost. I had learnt
not to give up no matter how tired I was. It's just as same as our life journey
actually. We're all alone and sometimes we get lost in finding the right path.
We can ask for directions and seek for the signs. As long as we never give up on
what we believe and finish up something that we have started, we will
eventually find what we're seeking for. So, it's okay to be lost sometimes. That's
how you will learn how to be strong, when to give up, who to trust and also you can meet new
people. Yes, it can be so depressing especially when you carry a heavy bag on your shoulder. The heavy bag can represents your problems or emotional luggage. Either way, you can turn the hard situation to be something fun. It's all up to you and your perspective.
Monday, 1 July 2013
just say "NO"
One of the reasons why I hate being a woman is a woman's heart is
really that easy to manipulate. I'm not sure whether it is our heart or our
brain but still...okay, the story is I had been fooled again yesterday. I don't
even know how many times including this I had been in the situation where there
were some people that told me some lies in order to get my money. The bad thing
is whenever I had realized this thing happened to me again, I can't help but be
so mad with myself. After that, I will keep regretting everything that had
happened and keep telling myself why on the earth I can't just say no to that
kind of people before they open their bloody mouth. I hope this will be the
last incident and I will try to train my heart and my brain to not so easily fall
for others lie and hope my brain will help me to process the words "NO,
thanks. Now get the hell out of my way".
Nota kaki:
What had happened exactly was I went to the Ampang Park yesterday
to change my money. There was a woman with a man that suddenly pulled my arms
and dragged me and my friend to test their product. After she promoted her
product, she sold it with a higher price and then low it down a little bit to
make it sounds "Hey, I gave special price just for you". Then, you
just realized you were forced to buy their product with still a higher price.
How did I know that? Because my mom coincidentally had been in the same
situation but she bought those 2 for RM15 while I bought 3 for RM40. Bloody
hell! So, just to share with you guys, run when you see this type of people. Or else, please do me a favor by say no out loud in front of their faking face.
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