All I ever wanted

Yesterday, I got an email from my sv regarding conference that I want to go. It was not a good news since apparently my school didn't have any budget to pay for that unless I change my presentation from poster to oral. I choose to do a poster presentation in the first place because I was scared to do an oral presentation. My first oral presentation at colloquium in 2011 was a nightmare. I was blur for the first 3 minutes and I was so embarrassed with myself. But this is life, right? Sometimes we have to face our own fear and sometimes we can't get everything that we want no matter how much money we have or how rich we are. If we could get everything that we want, then this life must be perfect. But the truth is there’s no such thing as perfect. No perfect life, no perfect relationship, no perfect match. Even a perfect guy that is charming, intelligent, smart, know how to play guitar, kind, religious, good looking and loving is existing, he probably never be yours. So, in order to avoid from frustration or disappointment, maybe the good thing is not to have higher expectation and learn to accept everything that you have and you got than thinking about not getting something that you want.

big girls don’t wait

Some of fairy tale stories told us that princess always waits for the prince to save her. Rapunzel waited for the prince to save her on the tower, Cinderella waited for the shoes to fit in her foot, Snow White waited for the prince to give her true love kiss that can save her from the curse, and Princess Aurora waited for the prince to save her from long sleep. Even in the ancient years, our late grandma just waited for the wedding proposal and there’s almost no such thing in finding their own love story. But we’re not living in those ages anymore or in the fairy tale books. In this modern year, women become more independent. Some of us have stop waiting for the prince to save us because we can save ourselves.

I don’t want to be saved by a knight or prince. I can slay the dragon by myself. If there is any fairy tale that I want to take as a good example, it will be Beauty & the Beast or Mulan. I always adore Belle. Belle’s not a princess and she did not wait for the prince to save her. Instead, she’s the one that saves the prince. I want to be like her; independent, smart, beautiful and she did not care about her partner’s look or how much money that he has. If the beast is not a prince, I bet she’s still going to fall in love with him because of his personality and his brain. But I don’t want to change a beast into a prince or kiss every frog and hope it will turn into a prince charming. On top of that, I don’t want to be saved too since I’m not a princess. I want a true love story but I’m not going to wait for it to be happened. I believe that we must find and create our own fairy tales and happy ending in our own way. 

swing swing

Hey, it's Monday again! So, Monday Blues anyone? Actually it's unfair to put the blame on the day. Maybe it's not the day, it's all about yourself. Like me, I don't know why but I always mad with everything this lately. Even the smallest thing. I guess that's why I don't write much and update this blog everyday like I always do. It's not good to feel this way but I can't help it. And since I don't know what to write in here, I just want to share this part from the manga that I read.   

Yup, I read love manga too. So what? haha. Here's the link if you want to read full manga the link (but I've to warn you, this manga update take forever)

to BR1M or not to BR1M? that's a question.

I’m not here to campaign for any parties. As usual, I just write my point of view on my blog. If you have something to say, you can comment below. So, here we go after BN manifesto out yesterday night. First and foremost, of course, let’s talk about BR1M since a lot of people point this thing out. My first question will  be why they want to increase the value of BR1M? If this is about one of their objective 'memastikan pendapatan isi rumah rm5k' or because increasing of product price? When I started to learn about economics, I found that BR1M is a brilliant idea in replacement to cut taxes if the government plan to speed up the economy and also it gives beautiful statistic data to our GDP. In additional, it helps poor people as I can see that for myself. But then with the increasing value of BR1M, it is not helping people anymore. It makes people lazier and thinks that the government will help them eventually (especially for Malay race itself). Sorry, I don’t mean to be a racist bitch here especially on my own race but sadly that‘s the truth. Let me put this in a simple situation… Have you ever go to mamak stall or some restaurants around KL, penang, subang or city center where you can find a lot of beggars come to you every 5 minutes? At first, you might feel sorry for them but after they keep coming to you, you’ll not feel sorry anymore. Yup, that’s pretty similar situation.

This thing mark a bad image of our country. I don’t say that it is wrong if the government really want to help poor people. Just make sure that they’re really needed and not using BR1M as a tool to buy citizen’s votes (which means everyone can applied without investigate their background as long as they earning rm3k or below). So, my conclusion here is BR1M is a good idea as long as it's given to people that really needed like OKU, eldest people and people that can't work anymore on certain condition. Just to share some informations that I found in this blog ( here ). Don’t take his point about job since that already include in manifesto. (http://news.abnxcess.com/2013/04/bn-manifesto-aim-to-create-3-3-million-jobs-and-rake-in-rm1-3tril-in-investments-in-next-five-years/)

Other than that, I also found this one brilliant status posted by a friend of mine on FB. He stated “Satu ada cara meyakinkan untuk jana kekayaan negara, tapi cara pengagihan kekayaan kurang meyakinkan (banyak kasi 'gula-gula'). Satu lagi ada cara pengagihan kekayaan yang meyakinkan, tapi cara menjana kekayaan pulak kurang meyakinkan (bersifat terlalu populist). Tiada perantaraan, dan undi hanya satu. Masa untuk pemerintahan dua parti seperti di kebanyakan negara demokrasi maju? Yang penting keuntungan berpihak pada rakyat”. Which mean BN can attract young people and ‘pengundi atas pagar’ votes if they not sounds too promising by giving too much and one of them is BR1M.

Nota kaki:

I still didn’t get it tho, people that keep saying we get our money back. Yes, you pay your taxes. Everyone does. But BR1M is given to people that earn rm3k below which mean that is only like a small percentage of taxes that you pay. FYI, people that earn more paid more taxes and they didn’t even entitled to apply for BR1M. Be more rational pls! (Unless you’re really rich and pay more taxes, then have a seat.) 

sweet nightmare

Tonight I’m not sleeping. I choose to stay up finish my writing as much as I can. While everybody is on their way to the dreamland, I’m writing this entry and thinking. I keep dreaming these few days but with my eyes wide open while staring at the blank page of Microsoft word. In my dreams, I saw me having so much fun with my friends which I guess will never ever happening. (I blame Taylor Swift - 22 video for this!)  Some of them are busy with their life, while some of them probably still ignoring me for what I had said and done. It's our choice after all. To live our life with full of dreams or nightmare. I’m still not sure which one is mine. I want something like in my dreams but my behavior and my words put me in the nightmare. And I guess it is not sweet. Even literally. Just wondering… Have you ever wish that you can wake yourself from a long sleep and nightmare, then bring yourself to the life again?

How to be Forever Alone 101

Being alone is like being a single. It’s an option and it’s your choice. Well, maybe not. But here are the simplest lesson ever (you don’t even have to practice it!) I want to share since I’m the ‘Mother of Forever Alone’ :

1. Find work or apply place to further your study far away from your hometown and your family (if you got the offer, then you’re lucky)
2.  Don’t keep in touch or call your family and friends, wait until they call/message/whatsapp you first (unless you’ve something important)
3. Find some issues to start a fight and make your best friends hate you
4. Stay away from social activities.
5.  Avoid interaction or conversations with strangers.
6. Rent a room and make sure your housemates are different race/gender with you or not friendly
7. Be a mean person, so that everyone hates you (maybe this is too much)

If you follow all these steps...Congratulation! You’re now me. :D